l-k

This is more a personal question for me. Because I’ve been watching space documentaries and I’ve just begun a new relationship and ended a job.

Humans are complex things. I have a *NUMBER* of metaphors through which I view the world… the newest of them is that the fabric of our lives is a strange dance between: how we stay afloat in the universe (our financial situations and what we need to do to maintain or continue those, and the people that operate within and affect that realm), who we were born with (our native family), who we choose to keep in our lives and how they operate within staying in our lives (found family, friends), and the wider social climate that we exist within (neighbouring systems really and places from which random things come).

And that we can abstract out these relationships and understand them as star systems in our galaxy, or if it pleases thee, you can absolutely abstract further and view yourself as an individual star system. I would understand someone who viewed themselves as a star system to have a relatively more stable life than my own. I occupy a weird and complex life and thus this is reflected in how I think about myself.

So for me, I’m a small galaxy that operates within a number of larger galaxies (we’re all interconnected) with a fair number of star systems and some serious problems. There’s a black hole in my galaxy from when my family system used to be. The person in question that now occupies the black hole space has been consuming my younger brother and has been for a long time… after attempting to consume my mother, her star is being held outside the black hole’s force through  sheer will and legislative assistance. The effects of this were felt throughout the system. I was right there when it happened and it consumed me for a long time.

The black hole put me somewhere else… somewhen else. And I am different than I was before. I’ve been finding my way back to my center for a long time. I might be here now. Or perhaps I rejected the notion that I have a center and have embraced the fact that I’m the god damned galaxy and a bit of complexity will never hurt me because I’ve corralled off the family system and they get to deal with the black hole all they want. It could consume them. It isn’t up to me. I won’t be affected like that ever again. I can counterbalance the black hole with the other stabilizing relationships in my life… as long as the gravitational forces in my galaxy remain stable. Which they aren’t. (see below)

I’m not really afloat in the fabric of space time. I’m not financially independent. Yet still a galaxy… its like the actual force of gravity that holds me together is falling apart. There’s a couple of bright stars holding everything together right now. My living situation is stable and the stability of that is affecting everything and keeping things in line… for now. It’a a new star in my system but the effect of them is amazing. My TOP scientists are working on the problem and will hopefully reestablish the gravitational force of fucking dollars in a consistent flow so that I don’t implode.

Perhaps it’s not the gravity of my system that is failing so much as the magnetism that protects the system from harsh intergalactic rays of deadly radiation in the form of disadvantage… I guess in this metaphor I’m also a planet as well as the whole galaxy. It’s not a perfect metaphor yet.

Advertisements