I have a dear friend that I dated casually for a while only to fall in love and become shattered when he explained he wasn’t having love feelings-even though playing a song for me wherein the chorus was “oh I love you Amy”. Which is my name (Amie) which has been well agreed upon that this was dumb on their part. So that was that.
He dated a mutual friend after and they had a longer relationship but it ended along the same lines of her ending up terribly upset that he was set to disregard her as a future partner and was just having fun while he waited for ‘the one’, who would fulfill all of his ticky boxes that he wanted out a relationship. Ticky boxes is our term for this phenomenon and it helped us both process that he was just never going to love us. He’s with someone else now that we both think fulfills his ticky boxes a lot better than we ever could. Seeing that for us to fulfill his ticky boxes for a ‘future relationship’ we would have to be less like ourselves and more like the person who he’s with now… well. I like that person just fine but they aren’t me and I like being me more than I would like changing myself to be more like them.
So there’s that. There’s also so many people running around with a lot of heart break as people decide their ticky boxes are not being fulfilled and break off relationships.
Does it need to be that way? Is it really possible to fulfill all our ticky boxes?