10,000 hours: I was bullied pretty pervasively from K-grade 7. If you add it up based on 195 school days per year and a 8hr day give or take (my bus rides were between nonexistent and an hour and a half some years) you end up with 12,480 hours … not of consistent terror because nothing is always or never….
 
But 12,480 hours that should have been spent wiring my neurons correctly that were instead spent wiring them on the basis of routine abuse and then various people in positions of authority telling me that this was no one else’s fault but my own. Grade seven for me was 1999. Also the year columbine happened. Also the year I moved cross school districts. Also the year I had a safe place to go at lunch and started having some friends with a guidance authoritative person present to help us form healthy bonds.
 
I can unlearn 10,000 hours of intense practice in victimization and helplessness.
 
But it is important to me to periodically acknowledge this as I’ve spent the better part of ten years weighed down by some serious things and not understanding why I’m going sideways when I’m dragged that way by my baggage. Helping define where I’m angry about my past and why can help me channel the anger into something positive rather than something that destroys me.

And it really makes clear for me when people ask me why I’ve got such a victim’s perspective. Dismissively I might add.

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