That friend that gets offended about racist jokes? You don’t need that negativity in your life.
Your sister inviting SO MUCH DRAMA into what should have been a family thanksgiving by dredging up a history of sexual assault up right at the dinner table in front of dad’s new wife?! You don’t need that negativity in your life. God. It’s in the past. Get over it.
Your partner telling you that your behaviour is affecting them? How could they be so weak as to let their emotional well being hinge on you?! You don’t need that negativity in your life.
Your coworker that’s trying to get everyone to unionize and might get everyone fired? You don’t need that negativity in your life.
I find a stunning. sickening, stomach-turning lack of empathy in the new-agey, non-monogamous, personal-accountability-for-all-but-me, crowd. And I really. Really. Really can’t deal with how to explain this to them.
I get that the negativity people are talking about when they ‘just don’t need negativity in their life’ is usually trivial negativity. But silencing and victim blaming often sound just like this.
Gotta quell that expectation that people trying to educate themselves about poly, emotions or relationships are doing that to expand their empathy for others rather than find ways to shut people down.
Gotta quell my expectation that people will walk their talk.
Gotta develop the expectation that people will be very insightful about others… and potentially never apply that to themselves.
Misappropriation of ideals:
Poly people (and others) like to throw this one around: “No one can make you feel inferior but yourself.”
I have a host of internal screaming that could deafen a stadium of vuvuzelas in response to that. The sound, were I to make it physically, would vibrate in my vocal chords until they shattered and my throat blew up. AND YET THE SOUND WOULD STILL BE THERE.
I hate that I see this sentiment expressed to people. This is a pure and wonderful sentiment that people should read and think about and come to the realization on their own that they DO have the power to control how they see something and how they let that affect them.
But you don’t hear it said to you after you try and tell someone their behavior is affecting you.
Communicating your pain and distress to someone and receiving the words “no one can make you feel inferior but yourself” as a response…
… is kind of like writing a letter to someone and instead of a response, getting back a red pen soaked grammatical correction of your original letter.