This is more like a plan for a blog post than a post. My computer is in the shop. And really its been on it’s last laptop legs for a long time. But the issue is resolved. I just need to be paid so I can pick it up. So. Posting from phone. I will edit this thoroughly later.
A theme that I have noticed within poly is a harsh divide between personal accountability and freedom. Indeed let’s think about how this could be…. I would argue that a lot of poly rhetoric must have been created within the context of poly people trying to justify their actions to unsympathetic partners.
I would argue that the basic moral argument about whether poly folk are inherently ‘bad’ folk for wanting a different relationship style…. Is not something the poly community engages in a big way anymore because while we will deal with folks who label us as ‘wholly bad’ we have all this poly rhetoric to help us.
Examples of poly rhetoric that uphold freedom.
What I see is poly rhetoric, created for unsympathetic parties, that is used indiscriminately upon sympathetic parties. And thus, rhetoric that upholds personal freedom; when used on someone who does not agree with you, becomes twisted into avoiding personal accountability when used on someone who does agree with you.
Let’s take a minute and acknowledge that using the same argument on your partner; your poly partner who might be bringing up an issue with your behaviour that affects them, as you would on a monogamous person telling you that allbpoly folk are fuck ups. … Let’s acknowledge that probably feels like shit. If we haven’t experienced it already.
Examples of poly rhetoric that abhorr personal accountability.
I posit that there is a dearth in our rhetoric surrounding dealing appropriately and kindly with other poly people… Because we are so used to being the special snowflake that must do the enlightening.
I posit that the person parroting their best version of poly rhetoric to get you to shut up and stop trying to ‘change’ them might just be an asshole not worthy of your time.